Sunday, December 31, 2006 . 12/31/2006

There's a thread on Ebaum's about abortion, and this idiot on there is saying that women who get an abortion should be hanged no matter what. People keep saying that a fetus isn't even alive when it's aborted, and he keeps ignoring them.

All you anti-abortionists really need to take a biology class, or something. The thing is nothing more than a parasite for half of its time in the uterus, and is no where near alive until the heart starts beating.

Get a clue. It's not murder if the thing you're aborting isn't even alive in the first place. Like say, if I smashed a rock. You wouldn't call that murder, would you?

Now I would understand if the abortion took place when the fetus was fully developed and functional, but other than that, you're aborting nothing but a bunch of cells. And sure, you could argue that cells are alive, and you'd be right. But they don't have a conciousness. 0 Comments - Post/view comments

Thursday, December 28, 2006 . 12/28/2006

I remember back in my freshman year in highschool. I remember taking aerobics class, and there was this guy there, a senior. He always teased me, and I remember this one time he picked me up and then dropped me on the mats, and he fell ontop of me. I remember once when I was sitting in the office, he spotted me and came in, putting his face close to mine, and then telling me to 'have a good one'. It could be that he just liked to see me blush, but I don't care. I loved that attention, and now it's over. I hope someday I can experience something like it again. 0 Comments - Post/view comments

Wednesday, December 27, 2006 . 12/27/2006

These are the things I got for X-mas, all from Design Toscano:







I got some bath things and clothes aswell, and Pirates of the Carabean2, which is a good movie.

Presents aside, I went to the mall today and I am so happy that my social anxiety was nearly non-existant. I felt comfortable and confident, and even made some heads turn, which feels really good. 0 Comments - Post/view comments

Sunday, December 24, 2006 . 12/24/2006

Uh.. yeah. I don't feel like typing. 20 Comments - Post/view comments

Friday, December 22, 2006 . 12/22/2006

I went to Target with my mom today, and it wasn't too bad. There were quite a lot of people since it's so close to Xmas (damn lazy people couldn't get their shopping done earlier..) and it made me a bit nervous. For one thing, I pretty much stood out in the fact that my hair is long and nearly black, I wore a black jacket and black skirt.. I was pale. People did look at me, but this one lady in particular I remember almost staring at me at the check-out line. It almost looked as if she thought I'd put a curse on her or something.

Anyway, it was nice getting out of the house. And despite me being nervous about all the people, I couldn't help myself from walking around like I was better than everyone else. It just came.. naturally. I don't want anyone to think me arrogant, because for the most part I'm not. If people didn't think me arrogant, they probably thought of me as emotionless. I looked at people with a blank glance, very rarely smiling. They all probably thought I was crazy or something.

Who cares what other people think though? I only end up being self-concious like that when people are around, and I hate it. I get jumpy, weird, even robot-like and I stop showing much emotion. Maybe I'll get better. Maybe all it takes is practice every once in awhile. The pills don't work.. doing my schoolwork at home does, since I'm not as stressed out and tired from all the people talking, but I still need practice with people. I will get better.

Oh, and the final book of Harry Potter now has a name - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I am so nervous about this final book, because I don't want Snape to die. Uhg.. even though he's just a fictional character, you get attatched. I don't care if Voldemort dies, I don't care if Draco dies, but no one better harm Snape. And, speaking of Harry Potter, the movie Order of the Phoenix is coming out on July 13th. That seems way too far away. 0 Comments - Post/view comments X-mas is only a few days away, and once again I feel lonely. All that I have are empty wishes and fantasies, filled with magic.

It's just.. I don't know. Words cannot describe how I feel right now. I just wish I lived somewhere else and in a different time. 0 Comments - Post/view comments

Thursday, December 21, 2006 . 12/21/2006

I wish ghosts and demons were real. And maybe they are.

I'm not talking about some hallucination (sp?) or "personal demons" here. I mean actual paranormal beings. My rational mind knows they are not real, but the part of me that wishes reality was different than what it is.. does.

By this I mean that I wish magic was real, like in Harry Potter. Where rooms clean themselves and a few spoken words and a wand can open a locked door. Where alchemy was practiced among many.

This is what keeps the religious believing in what they do, no matter how irrational it may seem. They want there to be a god watching over them, as I want there to be ghosts and demons.

Is it because I'm lonely, and crave excitement? Maybe. I don't mean to sound emo here, but I almost feel like I'm some hallow husk with no feelings, and I want that to change.

No, I'm not starting to go loony, for as much as I wish there to be paranormal things, I know that it probably doesn't exist, and if it does, there are only a few strange incidences on my part and other people's experiences that you hear of.

First strange experience I've typed up not too long ago. It has to do with me seeing Christmas Vacation in the theater before I was born. The second is when I was around three, and woke up at around midnight or so only to find a sort of cloak on the floor infront of my bed. In the morning it wasn't there, and when I asked my mom if any clothes were on the floor she said there wasn't. The third strange thing that happened to me is when I was around the same age, and my mom was dressing me in my room. My blanket was placed behind me, but when I turned around it was gone. A few years later it was found stuffed in some musty old book in a closet.

Ever since then, nothing strange has happened to me. It could be that children are more apt to experiencing the 'paranormal', whether it be a logical, mental reason or not. And now it's gone.

Just as a mere curiosity, I'll place the site Chasing Midnight under the 'Escape' section in my blog. Even if it seems looney at times, it's an interesting site nonetheless.

Oh, and Xmas is on Monday, I can't wait! Usually I open up my presents the night before, because I'm too lazy to get up in the morning. I know my dad will have bought me some things from Toscano, and I will be ever closer to having the room of my dreams. 0 Comments - Post/view comments

Tuesday, December 19, 2006 . 12/19/2006

I can't bring myself to do my schoolwork. Even though the current subject is history, and I like history.. but only if it has to do with religion, myths, magic, that sort of thing. I think I'd be better off going back to regular school, but then I'd get headaches again. I don't want to deal with loud obnoxious people.

I need an insentive to do my work, because as of now, there is none. Graduating? No, I don't want to face the real world. I'd rather be at home.

This is just so frustrating. It's times like these that I wish there was such a place as Hogwarts. Such a thing as magic. 0 Comments - Post/view comments

Sunday, December 17, 2006 . 12/17/2006

I keep hearing that the movie Eragon is a pure shitfest.

The book really isn't much better. I liked it when I first read it, but I was only around 13 or 14 years old then. Awhile ago I skimmed through the book again out of boredom and it made me even more bored. The characters aren't even very memorable at all, nor the story. The names in it sound so fucking familiar, like Solembum, Brom, and Galbatorix.. yet I forgot the attributes that dimwitted 19-year-old added to them. Fucking idiot had so little imagination that he resorted to stealing characters and WHOLE SCENES.

It's truly a shame that this movie turned out to be such crap. The actors all look respectable, except of course for the main character, who looks like a pansy or 'nancy boy'.

I've contemplated on getting the DVD when it comes out just to see the sexy evil people, but reading all these horrid reviews, it's really turning me off. And being that the movie is just over an hour long, it'll probably be up on YouTube sometime anyway, aswell as small clips so I don't have to suffer through watching the whole thing.

And for those who ask if I think I could write something better, I would reply with a "hell, yes". In fact, I already have a rather original idea involving my character Drae from Horizons.





Aah, the sexy evil people. Mmm. 0 Comments - Post/view comments

Saturday, December 16, 2006 . 12/16/2006

This pisses me off. Sure, it was only a six week expedition and there still may be some of these dolphins left, but this just goes to show how pathetically stupid and ignorant people can be.

Some may say that this is the "survival of the fittest". This is in itself ignorant. Let's take the lion and the antelope for an example: the lion has claws and sharp teeth, while the antelope has speed. Both have a fair advantage. Humans and animals on the other hand don't. We've developed harpoons, guns, and a variety of other things simply to capture a helpless animal for its fur or for a trophy. Furthermore, if people continue to do this, it will end in our own downfall. Besides this, "survival of the fittest" actually refers to the reproductive success of an organism and not how it is killed. So either way, the claim of it being "survival of the fittest" would be wrong.

Humans create an inbalance in nature. Without us, what would happen? Less pollution, a rise in animals that were once endangered, and just a healthier environment as a whole. Animals have a way of keeping the world balanced; vegetation feeds the herbavores, and the carnivores help to keep the herbavores' numbers stable.

What do humans do? Find a remote place, bring in their livestock which eat all the vegetation from the animals that normally would inhabit the area, cut down forests which drives animals away, build cities which produces pollution.

Every animal that we make extinct is one step closer to our own downfall. For example, these Chinese dolphins. Take them away, and their predators have less food and their prey become more abundant, bringing an inbalance. Keep doing this, and eventually we will be next.

Think of a world with no forests, tons of cities, and no animals except for livestock and dogs and domesticated cats. What kind of a world is that?

And while extinctions happened millions of years before humans, those extinctions couldn't be prevented. They were due to weather and environmental changes. We can, however, prevent tigers from disapearing, and we could have done the same for this river dolphin.

Maybe I'm wrong about humans 'destroying' the world. After all, animals can certainly adapt to their environment, making it easier for them to live in cities or tough enough to resist humans. But what happens if all of these species goes extinct before they even get the chance? Seems unlikely, but consider all the poaching and destruction of habitat that is going on. Some might argue that "If you consider evolution to be fact, it shouldn't matter that these animals are going extinct since new ones will pop up anyway". Evolution has to do with how animals adapt to their environment, not on how life actually began. To this extent, no one knows. Even if a big-bang like theory were to be true, then it would take thousands of years if not more for life to spring up again.

We as humans are unique in that we can choose to be ignorant assholes or well-informed. Honestly, which would you rather be? Ignorance may be bliss, but it won't be anymore when you're made to look like a fool.

If by now you are calling me a hippy, you can just call anyone who cares about humanity to be a hippy aswell. I care about humanity for the history, and for how much we can learn. Without humans, who would be there to record information, or to even read it? Sure, many people are stupid. But without any at all, there isn't even a chance to produce smart ones.

Someday humans may go the way of the dinosaurs despite our advances in medicine and overwhelming numbers. Someday, a huge earthquake may hit, or a huge meteor. Who knows. But why be stupid enough to create your own downfall before nature takes its course? 0 Comments - Post/view comments

Friday, December 15, 2006 . 12/15/2006

Time for an emo-ish rant. Oh yes, everyone loves those.

Given that I spend most of my life at home, I have time to think alot. More recently I've been thinking about how my life seems to be going, and it isn't good. For example, I'm a socially anxious person and have been for several years. I don't actually go to school, but do school work at home. I have no real life friends except for one that I barely ever talk to. I barely go outside. I never had a true boyfriend before since I'm just "too quiet" (in fact, I overheard someone talking about me, saying that he would "totally go out with her if she wasn't so quiet"). Yeah, some life.

I used to be a happy person with blondish hair, and friends. Yes, actual FRIENDS. But that didn't last. Ironically, the only school I ever had true friends in was the first school I ever went to, and it was a Christian school. Ever since I switched schools, which has been a total of about three times, it's been hell (no pun intended).

So I got depressed and that's when social anxiety really kicked in. And now I'm a moody person who has dyed her hair nearly black and paints her nails black and dreams about being in a different world, filled with magic and mystery, kind of like Harry Potter. I actually get pretty sad whenever I watch any of the movies, because I wish so bad that such a place existed.

But something good has come from all this solitude, and that is that I'm smart, and have realised religion is a delusion that weak people use to lean on. I like to teach myself. I know the possibility of magic ever existing is silly, but a girl can dream.

I'm currently transforming my room into a sort of medeival place, filled with things such as gargoyles, dragons, books about magic and the paranormal, as well as historically accurate books. A desk I could do my studies on. An hourglass or two. What I would really like, though, is a trapdoor in my closet leading to a sort of secret cellar or study area, with stone walls and candles and books and a collection of strange things. It would be possible, too. 0 Comments - Post/view comments

Thursday, December 14, 2006 . 12/14/2006

I went to the salon lastnight and got my hair trimmed and touched up, and my eyebrows waxed. There was this one lady there with two kids, and she looked at me like she was scared of me. I often think to myself, "I'm probably more scared of you than you are of me". But what is so scary about me? Simple. I'm really pale and have huge pupils, so it would appear that, in normal to dim lighting, they are black. I noticed just how pale I was when I was looking in the mirror at the salon and seeing the whiteness of my face compared to everyone else. I didn't talk at all and pretty much distanced myself, making me seem "weird", I guess. I certainly felt weird.

X-mas is coming up soon, and that somehow led me to think of my grandparents on my mom's side. They never give me anything for my birthday or X-mas except for a card with a dollar bill inside. They pretty much avoid me and my parents. My mom said that she treated two of my cousins the same way (the ones that died in the car accident last year). They visit my aunt and uncle often and give my other two cousins presents, but not me. I was told that this is because they live a life they 'approve' of, going to church and all. This is the only reason they avoid me and my parents. It hurts that my grandparents seem to see me as insignificant. Another devastating effect of religion. They have been living their whole lives in one big delusion, and that's sad. I would risk a slap in the face to tell them how irrational their beliefs are, and to discuss why they believe what they do. My mom said that I just have to deal with it and that it's just what they believe in, but when that belief becomes so strong as to actually avoid those who don't go to church, even family members, that's wrong. They probably wouldn't want to accept that they've been living in delusion their whole lives, as we all know that most people don't like to accept that they are wrong, especially to someone way younger. Either that or they'd think me naive. But it doesn't matter, since they'll be dead soon anyway. 0 Comments - Post/view comments

Monday, December 11, 2006 . 12/11/2006

One of the most original quizzes from Quizzilla in a long time:



"I am Drae, the darkness Goddess." Scyth, the shadow fallen God smirked at you, as the two of you made your way to the temple. There you saw lots of presents, offerings and your creations waiting for you to arrive. When you landed, they all bowed. You walked almong them, your dark dress dancing behind you. Ahead of you, you could see a path made of black stone leading to an all black and grey throne. You sat up there, landing your eyes on your followers.

You were not evil, you just liked the darkness more than anyone. Gods and Goddesses walked away from you, becase they thought wrong, you were not evil.

Scyth also bowed infront of you, and with your hand, you held his chin and made him look at you. "Everyone, look at this God". Everyone rested their eyes on Scyth. You could tell he was slightly nervous. "This is the God that saved your lives today. He is the one who saved me and you from myself. If he was not to be here, we would all be dead right now. I wish you to thank him, for all he did, and treat him as he deserves, a fallen God of a new world". Your creations looked at him, confused. Scyth stared at you, dumbfounded. You smiled and continued... "From this day, I will rule this world with the help of Scyth, the God of Shadows. However, you must not forget about who created you in the first place. It is the knowledge that leads you to higher heights. But all the knowlegde has to begin somewhere, and to forget that beginning is to forget who you are." The vampires, demons, black angels, werewolves and gargoyles...among others stared at you and with a smile on their faces, bowed to the two of you, Drae and Scyth, who was sitting by your side, where appeared another throne.

Later that day, Scyth and you were walking throught the dark gardens of the castle when he spoke suddenly... "The things you created, they are filled with mystery and darkness, along with shadows. It reminds me of my old world, but much better". You tilted your head to your side, as you listened to him. "And if we are to reign this world together, I would like to be bound to you... by love". Your eyes widened as Scyth said those words. Yes, Gods and Goddesses do have feelings, which includes love. You stared at his beautiful eyes and knew that deep inside your shadowed dark heart, there was a piece of love for the fallen God that you could not throw away. You ran your hands over his cheeks and said a thing that your heart longed to release..."Yes Scyth...I love you". He smiled and you could swear that his eyes were holding a thousand suns when he said... "I love you too".

Since that day, the two of you reigned the world you created together, loving each other for eternity.

Name/title - Drae,the Goddess of Darkness.

Powers - controlling your whole world, along with the darkness within and outside it.

Beings you created - Vampires, Demons, Gargoyles, Werewolves, Dark Angels

Symbol -A crow above a black rose, spreading its wings. Grey background.

World - The skies are a pitch black colour. They have little stars all over them, and a huge white and silver moon. however, when you're sad or mad the sky is just black. The earth is filled with mountains and some places, snow. The earth is a dark brown colour. Sometimes it rains, and you can clearly see the river running down the mountains, until they reach an only sea. It is filled with shadows and darkness and the beings that live there feed on the irracional animals fear and blood. You are overjoyed with the things you created and the temple in which you live is made of black stone and it is build on top of a mountain.

Family - you are the 3rd eldest sister, and the most feared and unpopular, although there are some of your brothers, like the God of Death, that understands you.


Take this quiz!

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Saturday, December 09, 2006 . 12/09/2006

You Are a Snowflake

You live for the winter - blizzards, cold nights, snowball fights! The holidays are just a bonus!

Your Dominant Thinking Style: Modifying

Super logical and rational, you consider every fact available to you. You don't make rash decisions and are rarely moved by emotion. You prefer what's known and proven - to the new and untested. You tend to ground those around you and add stability.

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Friday, December 08, 2006 . 12/08/2006

I came across this thread in the Horizons forums, and all I have to say is what the fuck? If you want to see delusional people at their best.. especially the latest post:

"Well, I always felt like I am a red dragon made in a certain way and shape, that'd be my *natural and day by day normal, obvious form*.

When I look at my human form, I feel like I am a stranger to myself, that I am a charred shell of what I feel like I am for real.

Maybe it's madness, or maybe it's just looking in your true soul, and staring at your True Self. Not a perfect, flawless true self, because I am well aware that such dragon has his problems, has some illness in his wings and is not as a beautiful creature as he'd like to be but being not perfect is part of being real.

What is more real, the poor rags that you are outside and you don't care for, or the sturdy, lived dragon you are inside and love to be?"

This makes me lol. 0 Comments - Post/view comments Okay, I'm pretty damn tired but I'm going to post this anyway.

I've been following an atheist/religious debate on a forum for some time. I love reading others' opinions. As the page numbers reached well over 200, the theists actually made the atheists look pretty stupid.. for only a page or so.


"... for one, god has the right to. Secondly, killing the pharoah would have done nothing. If I am to prove something to someone is killing them going to do anything? If God were to kill the pharoah another ruler would then just take his place and think his Anubis or whoever the heck they believed in right then would protect them and he would continue to commit atrocities and they would not be freed. Yet with all the deaths on his shoulders his guilt would have been too much for him to ignore therefore it proved a purpose by freeing the Israelites. It was apparent that something drastic would have to have been done seeing as how they ignored the other plagues."

He has a point here. Killing the pharoah for a "sin" certainly wouldn't have taught him anything, as he'd be dead and wouldn't get the chance to repent it.



Revelations(1:3)
"..Things which must shortly come to pass"
John believed that the things that he wrote about would happen soon, within his own lifetime. After nearly 2000 years, believers still believe that "the time is at hand" and that the events described in Revelation will "shortly come to pass."

Claiming you knew what John was thinking is kind of dumb you think. Anyways, God exists outside time therefore shortly could be 4000000 billion yeras. Not necessarily by our time table that we created.

Revelation (1:5)Jesus "washed us ... in his own blood."

You should know what this means. He shed his blood for our sins thus cleansing us of them

Revelation (1:7) Behold, he cometh with clouds; and every eye shall see him, and they also which pierced him: and all kindreds of the earth shall wail because of him. Even so, Amen.

I believe this is referring when he returns to earth, but if you disagree everyone will see him when he/she is judged.

It then talks about the Jehova's witness. Well apparently they don't read the bible seeing as how it says you WILL be able to see him. Unless Jesus decided to wear his invisibility cloak he stole from Harry Potter?

Revelation(1:13-16) Jesus has white hair, eyes of fire, feet of brass, and has a sword sticking out of his mouth.

Descriptions of his appearance given only the words of the earth. The sword is his teachings which could be known if you knew the bible/word of god is referred to as the sword of God.


These afore interpretations make sense even to me.

After awhile someone posted this:

"it doesn't matter if there is a god or not because no one will ever know. live life and experience this amazing gift while it is here. don't worry about things you don't have control over. just enjoy it."

And another this:

"This debate over the existence of God is pointless and can't be prove or disproved on both sides. You are no better than the people who push religion on others. Just have an open mind about things, the trials and tribulations of life can change your views on the existence of God. What Im trying to say its all about personal experience, let life play its self out maybe something will happen that will change your views on this whole thing. But as for religion I can't really speak of the various religions because I don't have full understandings of all them, so I would not go into them."

This is true. When both sides have been debating/arguing for a long time, it is obvious that neither will change their views, so further debating is pointless and most often than not leads to nowhere.

I find it a bit funny that the Bible (and other religious texts) seem to be the only books out there that can have various meanings depending on the person. Should it be taken literally, or does it mean something else? Let's say there is a god out there. Maybe this is a test, to interpret the bible.

But what of the people who have absolutely no knowledge about religion or their gods? What would become of them? If they try to be good all their life but have no knowledge of a god, will they still be doomed?

Perhaps the concept of heaven and hell are metaphors. Many take these places to be just that - actual places. But maybe when it is mentioned that we go to heaven or paradise, it means that we have found peace within ourselves, and hell is a metephor for the guilt you feel when you have done something you know is wrong. But what of the stories of Lucifer and his followers being dumped into hell?

It's impossible to know what the bible really means. To base your whole life around it is foolish, as for all we know, it could have been a mere storybook to begin with. Or ravings of madmen, who claimed they saw things and how they envisioned God.

It is a common theist argument to say that God is beyond time and so therefore is beyond all words. Perhaps there is another demention out there somewhere? Many atheists claim to be open-minded, yet they only go on solid evidence. They say a possibility of another demention are children's tales, like Santa. But maybe there is a place that defies all logic; however in saying this, one could make the claim that Santa exists beyond time aswell.

What about the pagan gods that existed in the past? Perhaps they were all the same god all along. You can truly never know. But like past religions and beliefs, Christianity, Catholicism, Islam, and others will eventually give way to newer ones, or perhaps in the far off future, none at all. Maybe people will come to their senses and stop basing their lives on something they cannot prove.

A theist explaination for proof in God might be that they "felt" it, but this is not hard proof that atheists like myself are likely accept. I personally think, and I think many atheists can agree with me on this, is that if you are raised in a religious family it will stick with you. Even if you come to think for yourself, whenever you try to "pray", that same feeling you had when you thought God was the truth will emerge. The same can go with any god, though some claim they've tried many religions and Christianity was the only one they felt was "right". Maybe it has to do with the fact that Christianity is the most practised religion.

Whatever the case.. if you believe in a god, great, and if you don't, that's great too. Life is to enjoy, to learn, to experience. If you base your whole life on a book written thousands of years ago, I wouldn't think you would be experiencing all that life has to offer. Unless Jesus or Zues or Ra were to appear infront of everyone, or until we die, we won't know the truth.

Phew, that was a shitload of typing, but now that I've typed all my thoughts out I'll be able to sleep. Oh, and here's a quiz result:

You Are 52% Peaceful

In general, you think the world's a pretty great place - and you're happy to be a part of it. Sometimes you struggle with life, but who doesn't? You are quite level headed, though you have more inner angst than you'd like.

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Wednesday, December 06, 2006 . 12/06/2006

Lastnight when my parents and I were watching House, and at one point he (House) states that he thinks near death experiences are simply in the mind of the patient and is nothing paranormal. I commented on that, saying that it's true. My dad responds by saying my name in a sort of "warning voice", and I said that science has confirmed it is all in the person's mind. He, of course, said in a weird high-pitched voice, "no it hasn't!" In a way he's right; I got the confirmed part wrong, but there is strong evidence that shows near death experiences are simply in the mind of the individual.

What annoys me is that my dad didn't want to believe that there wasn't a supernatural explaination behind these experiences. He still clings to his faith, no matter how much evidence is given. He's insecure and his belief in God makes him more comfortable. He may claim otherwise, but anyone could see that this is clearly how he thinks. There is doubt in his eyes.

One reason, as I stated before, that people believe in a certain religion has alot to do with how they are afraid of death. They want so bad for something other than this world to exist, and cling to it. In a way, I know how they feel.

One night I was reading through one of my ghost books, and as I put it down and was about ready to go to sleep, I realised how much I hoped ghosts were real. Is it because I'm afraid of death? It could be. But, unlike religion, there is a scientific way behind the idea of ghosts, in that when a person dies their energy is released, and may or may not remain behind. Where this energy goes when it doesn't remain behind, I don't know. Maybe it just wanders. Or maybe it doesn't exist at all. 0 Comments - Post/view comments

Tuesday, December 05, 2006 . 12/05/2006

It's so depressing seeing Horizons in the current state that it's in. Ever since EI (or PME now) purchased it, everything has gone downhill. No updates, nothing but empty promises that never went fullfilled. Is Horizons still up and running? Yes, but many players have left. Is there still time for this shitty company to prove us wrong on how shitty they are? Yes, there is always time.. but I doubt they will do anything. It seems that PME is more concerned in their petty game, Savage Eden, than their newly aquired Horizons, which is pathetic. No updates have been seen on that game either, and players are fading. It's almost criminal to purchase such a wonderful game as Horizons, only to abandon it. If they wouldn't have purchased the game, would the servers be down, perhaps forever? Maybe. Or a more experienced company would have bought it out. EI/PME seemed to just jump right in and take a project they weren't even prepared for. Fucking stupid bastards. I'd almost rather have the servers been shut down when Tulga went bankrupt instead of seeing it die a slow, depressing death. Did EI/PME try to get Horizons moving forward again? Yes, but it was half-assed. The person who brought last year's fall festival back is gone from the team now.

Here are some of my most favorite screenshots of my ancient dragon, Draemora Aloysius. Unfortunately, my stupid computer crashed several times in the past, so I have no screens of her when she was a hatchling or adult.




























Special thanks to: Vanda, Saphire, Starlight, Wyrme, Shargrym, Draxxis, Frith-Rae, Allon, Lantua, Valados, Deth, Diagoras, Dranslin, Ashuran, Ahura, Lycaunoss, Frossa, Hraefn, Asteral, Kayler, Mordoth, Nallii, Ravenfrost, Zyerne, Kumu, PUKI, Lumineux, Kryxia, Elaeth, Khosadan, Zexoin, and of course my mate, Sovirin, and our wonderful hatchlings, and many, many others who I may have forgotten to mention, for such a great time in Istaria! 0 Comments - Post/view comments Eragon. A book some 16-year-old wrote. His parents, ironically, own a small publishing business and published it themselves. I liked the book when I first read it, but I was going over it again out of boredom and I realised how dull and forced the writing was. A typical, 'good vs evil' thing. Why can't anyone come up with something original? Just once, I would like to read a book from the bad side's perspective. Why is it always the good side that wins? I always viewed the "good guys" in any book as stupid peace-loving hippies or something.

Then a shitty video game comes out.

And now a movie, due December 15th. First of all, the dragon looks cartoony and stupid, not to mention those goofy looking bird wings that don't really match the dragon at all. Second, the evil people in that movie look sexy. And the good people look like pansies, especially that kid. Yup.

More seriously now.. what the hell am I doing pondering over religion? It seems like people - on Ebaum's, particularly - didn't start this whole "debate" thing until after Dawkins released his most recent book, The God Delusion. Truth be told, I haven't heard of this book until only a few weeks ago while reading through some science forums, and even then I didn't know it was a recent book. So it's like.. these people all the sudden go "omg this makes so much sense lawl now i gotta preach to everyone on Ebaums forums". While I agree with religion being ridiculous in terms of reality, I also think it's ridiculous to create multiple threads on the same subject. "Lol omg look I found a movie on YouTube THIS MEANS I'M RIGHT". Maybe I'm getting these people completely wrong.. but that's what it feels like they're trying to say. It's people like these that make me feel stupid for thinking about the subject and learning about it, about history. It makes me feel like I'm wasting time.

I feel like a nerd and an idiot, spending most of the time on the computer. What the hell has happened to me? I used to have a life.. used to have friends.. and now I feel like some loser. But then again, someone who is eager to learn isn't a loser.. so I guess I'm just a loser when it comes to having real friends. 0 Comments - Post/view comments

Monday, December 04, 2006 . 12/04/2006

A few nights ago I was having yet another discussion with my dad on religion. It started off with me asking what he thought about a book called The God Delusion, and if I got it if he'd take the time to read it. He said that he heard all the reasons why religion doesn't make sense before. He wasn't like this about a month ago; he would have come up with ridiculous answers to my questions. He was more reasonable this time. This makes me wonder if he actually was listening to what I was saying, looked it up, and learned something new. I don't think he wants to admit he's wrong to some mere 16-year-old, so he pretends he knew these things all along, when before, he didn't even know who Zues was, and thought ancient mythology was just that, mythology; that the gods in there were never actually believed in. Now he agrees with me that they were.

He's still holding on to his petty faith, but I can tell he has been questioning it. The fact of the matter is this: sooner or later, Christianity will be a religion of the past, and it, like past religions and beliefs, will be put into the realm of mythology. I didn't start to realise this until only a few days ago. Why isn't the belief in Ra, Zues, or any of those other ancient gods still around? Because people realised they were foolish. That's how it has always been, and there's no reason to doubt that Christianity, Islam, and others will fall eventually aswell. Christianity has only been around about 2,000 years. Ancient Egyptian beliefs stood ground for about 4,000 if I remember correctly. But it passed, just like the ancient Greek gods did.

So, with this knowledge, why would anyone STILL choose to believe in their religion? Because they are scared. Religion to some, if not all people, is comforting. To know that death is not the end, and that some awesome all-powerful, all-knowing being will meet us in the end is all the more comforting. It's easier to just believe than to ponder on why it makes no sense. To be honest, not believing in a god has made me so much more happier, and has made me respect life so much more. A Christian, on the other hand, could just spend all his life in church and not give a flying shit about other people or things, since he "knows" he'll be going to a better place after he dies anyway.

I often wish that life and reality was better than it already is, myself. Whenever I watch Harry Potter I find myself really wishing that such a place with magic really existed, but it doesn't, except in our imaginations.

My parents say that my love for arguing will probably fade, that it's just a "teenager thing". My dad said that there comes a time when children grow up, and all the sudden parents are viewed as stupid. First of all, I wouldn't call this arguing, but intelligent discussion. Arguing gets you nowhere. Second, perhaps the reason why some teenagers see their parents as being stupid is because of their reasoning, and perhaps their faith. Parents tend to push onto their kids things such as religion. There comes a time when some, like me, realise how foolish this is. I personally don't think my parents are stupid, just ignorant in some ways.

How did I come to realising that religion is bull at such a young age? I can't remember exactly how it went, but I remember I looked into Satanism and Luciferianism. Somehow I came up with the assumption that Satanism isn't really evil, it's just the Christians and the ignorant that view it that way. I came up with this assumption by having read books with good vs evil plots, and realising that the evil side wasn't really all that evil.

My assumption on Satanism was true. Most Satanists just see Satan as an idea, not an actual entity to pray to. They don't do sacrifices, mysterious rituals, or any of that. They worship themselves, in a way, and view Christianity as ridiculous. Luciferianism is like this aswell, only they claim to search for knowledge and the truth, something that I do now. Within the sites I visited were articles on how Christianity makes no sense. They were more or less like atheists.. only not really, since they do believe in some entity in one way or the other, be it an idea or otherwise. This is just as silly as believing in God, so I eventually came to believing no religion. And I'm proud of it.

Another thing that got me into resenting Christianity is because I WAS a Christian. I had my doubts, but I didn't think about them for fear of going to hell. When I was little, around 2-5 years of age, I would pray to God for things and for forgiveness. Prayer didn't work, yet I still believed. I'm glad that's over now. I was brainwashed, but I broke free, to become a free-thinker.

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I've been browsing Ebaum's forums again, and happened across a couple threads that struck me as interesting. Here, on both of those threads, we have people giving the sad and clueless question, "Why is it only the cute and fuzzy animals that worries people? Why not ants? Why not get fined for stepping on an ant?" Allow me to answer this. It's because mammals, which are normally viewed as cute and fuzzy, have more human attributes than a lizard or insect, so naturally we humans will feel more sympathy for them. As for getting fined for stepping on an ant.. it's nearly impossible to NOT step on one.

Now some may ask that why, when an animal is killed, that people often feel more saddened by that than when a person dies. The answer is simple: Like human infants, animals are innocent. They do nothing but rely on their instincts, whereas a human has the capability to think about what he is doing and why. It also has to do with the way the animal in question was killed. To simply shoot an animal doesn't give it a chance at fighting back, not at all. The same argument could be made for deer, but without hunters, deer would be overpopulated, and no one wants a pest in their lawns or gardens, stealing food. Yes, the deer were here first and we're pushing them back, but that's how life is. We can't just abandon or houses and live in the wild because "the animals were here first". Such a thing would be absurd. 0 Comments - Post/view comments

Friday, December 01, 2006 . 12/01/2006

As I read through the site I mentioned earlier, it is said that like God, the soul is imaginary. I don't completely agree with this.. here is why:

I very vividly remember being in a theater. All I could see was a big screen, and I remember which movie it was: Christimas Vacation, released in theaters in 1990 and while my mom was pregnant with me. I only remember one scene from that moment, and that's when the family's car gets stuck under a huge truck. When I was about three, my parents were watching that same movie, and I pointed out that I remember seeing this one part before, even though that was impossible. My parents mentioned years later that they remember this incident, and that they also remember while they were in the theater, I was kicking alot.

How could I have seen this from inside the womb? Perhaps my spirit entered the body I now possess at that very moment, and the memory of it stuck. It wasn't a dream, I know that much. I can remember there being blackness, as if nothing was there, and then slowly, the scene on the big screen appeared. Moments later there was blackness again.. and I was born, but I forgot what that was like.

If there is possibly a life before birth, why not after death? I'm not so sure on this myself.. that experience still puzzles me to this day.

Oh and holy crap, it's December already. X-mas is only in a few more weeks.. wooo, presents! 2 Comments - Post/view comments