Friday, June 16, 2006 . 6/16/2006

I've neglected this blog horribly, so I'm going to continue typing here. I've tried doing entries in a diary, but I don't like writing much, and my handwriting is horrible.

So, it's summer now, and next year I might be able to take online school depending on my grades from this year. It's weird, because on one hand I'd love to stay home and do school where no one can see me, and on the other I want to walk around the school, showing off my long hair or whatever. I guess my social anxiety is getting better, kinda.. in the sense that I want people to see me ( on a good day ) but if they try to talk, I'm still silent. I mean, I try to make conversation but I just can't. Several weeks ago, while I was at lunch at reading by myself, this girl sat next to me and tried to make conversation. I answered her questions and all, but I found it hard to speak loud enough so she didn't have to keep going "what's that?". After awhile she mentioned how quiet I was and that I needed to talk more. She said it in a friendly way though, but it still annoyed me. I wanted so bad to make atleast one friend, but for some reason I just can't. I get too self-concious when I talk, it's ridiculous. Even with friends I tend to get this way, and I always, ALWAYS end up getting irritable after awhile, except for this one friend I had since I was little. She was mature, so that's probably why I could stand it.

Going on to summer now: it's been alright. Staying at home by myself is nice, but getting old already. I always seem to be hungry, but whenever I go to eat something, I don't have much of an appetite. Just a few bites of something like spaghetti can make me full. And, I've been getting headaches, mostly in my eyes, probably because I stare at the computer for too long.

I would like so badly to have a boyfriend. I've never had a true one in my whole life, and not because I'm ugly or anything, it's just I'm so QUIET. It's horrible. Seeing couples all happy makes me depressed and can ruin my day. 0 Comments - Post/view comments