Saturday, June 17, 2006 . 6/17/2006

Today I'm supposed to go swimming, but right now I don't really know if I want to. The reasons are because (1)I kinda feel like a loser, swimming with her mom and no friend or friends my age; (2)I'm sensitive to the sun, and I don't have any medical conditions that I know of that would affect this, but I'm so used to being inside and in cool areas that the sun bothers me; (3)As weird as it may sound to most people, I don't want to tan. I like being pale, I personally think it's more pretty than looking like you just got roasted like a turkey.

The only benefit I can see in going outside is getting natural highlights in my hair, since it's blondish. But I can get my hair highlighted in the salon if I wanted to.

It's all of these things that makes me not want to go swimming, or going outside, and the fact I don't want to be "normal". All the normal people will be nice and tanned, but I can be different. I can be pale, and laugh inside at all those people who look like a roasted duck ( or turkey ). Besides, these people very well may end up having early wrinkles anyway, or even skin cancer if they're not careful. Yes, yes, I know I need vitamin D or whatever, but that's nothing a few pills can't fix. Besides, I do go out every once in awhile, to go to the car and go off to the bookstore or something. And with the damn sun shining through the car windows, well, that's gotta count for something.

On to another subject: There's this guy who is a neighbor ( not really "next door" since I have a long-ass driveway ) and it kinda saddens me that here we are, a girl and a guy as neighbors, and NOTHING. I felt silly getting off the bus and knowing all these people knew I wasn't his sister, and yet nothing was going on. It just makes no sense. Now, he does have dogs, and he lets them out, so maybe it's because I don't stop on my way to say "Ooh, cute doggies!", but if that's the reason, that's sad. Or maybe he thinks I could care less. That's not true. If only he knew about my social anxiety. Another thing is that near the end of the year he managed to get a girlfriend. And an ugly, annoying one at that that's a tomboy. I just don't get it. But then again, he must think I'm pretty weird too, not going out or anything. After all, since my mom goes out running, I could go along too. Infact I've been thinking of doing this just to catch his and this other-guy-that-lives-a-few-doors-down attention. The former must think I am some spoiled brat or something, because I never talk to anyone and *gasp* my dad has this new, shiny mustang. Or maybe I'm just thinking too much.

Uhg, why can't I just be normal? Or at least have no mental illness that makes me think too much!

On a happier note, on Monday I get to go to the salon to get my eyebrows waxed and my hair done ( it's really long and tends to get frizzy, so I'm getting layers )and Hell's Kitchen is gonna be on. 0 Comments - Post/view comments