Friday, December 15, 2006 . 12/15/2006

Time for an emo-ish rant. Oh yes, everyone loves those.

Given that I spend most of my life at home, I have time to think alot. More recently I've been thinking about how my life seems to be going, and it isn't good. For example, I'm a socially anxious person and have been for several years. I don't actually go to school, but do school work at home. I have no real life friends except for one that I barely ever talk to. I barely go outside. I never had a true boyfriend before since I'm just "too quiet" (in fact, I overheard someone talking about me, saying that he would "totally go out with her if she wasn't so quiet"). Yeah, some life.

I used to be a happy person with blondish hair, and friends. Yes, actual FRIENDS. But that didn't last. Ironically, the only school I ever had true friends in was the first school I ever went to, and it was a Christian school. Ever since I switched schools, which has been a total of about three times, it's been hell (no pun intended).

So I got depressed and that's when social anxiety really kicked in. And now I'm a moody person who has dyed her hair nearly black and paints her nails black and dreams about being in a different world, filled with magic and mystery, kind of like Harry Potter. I actually get pretty sad whenever I watch any of the movies, because I wish so bad that such a place existed.

But something good has come from all this solitude, and that is that I'm smart, and have realised religion is a delusion that weak people use to lean on. I like to teach myself. I know the possibility of magic ever existing is silly, but a girl can dream.

I'm currently transforming my room into a sort of medeival place, filled with things such as gargoyles, dragons, books about magic and the paranormal, as well as historically accurate books. A desk I could do my studies on. An hourglass or two. What I would really like, though, is a trapdoor in my closet leading to a sort of secret cellar or study area, with stone walls and candles and books and a collection of strange things. It would be possible, too. 0 Comments - Post/view comments