Wednesday, January 03, 2007 . 1/03/2007

I don't really know why, but I've been laying in my bed crying for the past half hour. It's probably just because it's nearly that time of the month, and that if I read this post over like a week from now I'll think that I'm crazy, but I'm going to vent anyway.

When I feel sad like this - genuinely sad - I almost always wish that some supernatural person would come out of the darkness of my closet and save me. That he/it would just hold me and make me feel better.

I know how religious people feel now. When an emotional time like this comes along, it's comforting to think that a supernatural being is looking out for you and cares for you. I wish so much that the paranormal existed, and that if it does that it would reveal itself to me. It did when I was very young.. or it could have just been a dream. When you're young, almost everything seems like a dream since it was all so long ago.

I stopped believing in a god about two or three years ago, maybe less, maybe more. I'm not sure. But what I am sure of is that the truth can hurt.

I know that most of this is just my hormones talking, but the wishing that the paranormal exists, that magic exists.. is always there. It's just usually not this strong.

Maybe a god does exist, but I have no reason to believe it. It/he/she hasn't revealed itself to me, doesn't let me know that it's there. I don't want to spend my life living a lie and a delusion that so many people today face. Knowing the truth, that there most likely isn't a supernatural sky wizard, makes me feel alone, and I've been alone nearly all my life when it comes to people. But knowing a god most likely doesn't exist gives my life more of a meaning. Knowing that there might not be such a thing as a soul or an afterlife makes me want to live this life to the fullest, and experience the world in all of its entirety. I want to learn, I want to be the most knowledgable person out there..

But still, there is a wish that the paranormal exists, and I think everyone has it in some degree or another. To not want to be alone. This, besides death, is what I think is humanity's greatest fear.

Anyway, as much as I would like the paranormal to exist, I don't go around just saying that it does like it's truth. And while being a vampire would be cool, these people are taking it way too far.

On that site there are people who actually think they are vampires, and know next to nothing about real-life conditions such as a sensitivity to sunlight, or any light for that matter. I honestly wonder if these people are just playing pretend, or if they actually think they are what they are.

It's funny that the "vampires" on there are all based off of the modern view, when in actuality a true vampire was considered to be merely a spirit.. a parasitic spirit. If it did have a form, they were said to be ugly. When they did feed on blood, they bit the wrist and rarely the neck (while I originally read this in a book, more information on the history of vampires can be found here).

Yeah, it would be awesome if the modern view of the vampire existed. Tall, handsome/beautiful, seductive. I would love for a vampire to just come into my room and take me away, but alas, that won't happen.

And then we have people asking to become vampires. Seriously, what the hell? This is some fucked up world we live in if a person can't tell real life from fantasy. Kinda like those religious nuts. 0 Comments - Post/view comments