Thursday, April 19, 2007 . 4/19/2007

I'm really not liking myself right now. I feel so alone and helpless, even useless. I'm not interested in anything but rational, thinking people and cats. I love cats. They're so cute and sweet, they don't stink unless they're sick, and if they trust you, are always there for you. Of course dogs are always there for you too, but that's because they're pack animals like wolves and always follow you around like an annoying child.

Anyway.. I'm not thinking very clearly today. All I can really think about is how alone I feel and how fucked up the world is. What happened on Monday opened my eyes more on just how screwed up people really are. I promised myself that the next time something big happens in the news, that I'd post it in my blog and about a day later this huge killing spree occurs. And then it got me thinking how messed up people are in general. Everywhere you turn there are idiots, abusers, pedophiles, religious zealots, racists. Every time you turn on the news it is always something negative, whether it be a building on fire or on this ridiculous war in Iraq. Never anything positive. If the media doesn't cover negative things, it's about celebrities and stupid trivial things that don't matter like "who is the father of this baby" and other such nonsense.

What's worse is that I can't do anything. I want people to stop with the disgusting fur coat business, with animal cruelty and abuse, with the inhumane treatment of slaughter animals, and so many more things. I want church and state truly seperated. I don't want stupid religious idiots running the country. But who is going to listen to a mere 16-year-old? No one! "Oh, she's just suffering from teenage angst" "She'll grow out of it, it's just a phase" "It's PMS" "You don't know anything about business or the real world, you're just a kid!"...

So I am stuck with writing in this blog which no one probably reads anyway. I feel like a ghost, just lingering about. I have a poor diet and hardly eat, I sleep most of the day, I have no friends. I'm just a ghost, a hollow shell. And before all you labeling asses go calling me an emo and secretly thinking that I'm going to cut myself, you can just stop right there. I am sick of older people telling me that I am angsty or stupid or inferior just because of my age or some other stupid reason. Just treat me like a regular human being! I don't enjoy being sad, I don't do it to be "cool". I don't enjoy being socially anxious and not being able to even look at a person. I even get nervous when my parents look at me when I talk, for fuck's sake.

Rereading this post is like reading some messed-up kid's journal. I hate it, but this is how I feel, and I wanted to type it up in words so that these thoughts don't pester me as much. 0 Comments - Post/view comments