Thursday, May 24, 2007 . 5/24/2007

I've been starting to consider going to regular school again instead of corrispondence. I thought I didn't need people, but I was wrong. I am starting to go crazy being isolated. Every day is the same. Wake up, go on the computer, shower, read, maybe watch some TV, go back to bed. No friends at all. My friends consist of people on the internet.

But what I want most is an actual boyfriend. Every night I find myself thinking how wonderful it must be to be held in a man's arms, being told that they love you. I've never had a true boyfriend in my life, ever.

The closest I've ever really been to having one was back in 8th grade. This guy was interested in me, and back then I was, of course, "the quiet girl". So he tried to make small talk with me and even put his arm around me when we were watching a movie in class. That has never happened to me before, and it felt wonderful. Eventually, however, we grew apart. I just didn't know how to react to such things, I was too quiet.

The second closest was this guy who got stuck taking an aerobics class. He was nice, fun, and dropped little hints here and there by joking with me and even carrying me around a few times. I miss that so much.

But what if I go to regular school again and end up, once again, having my anxiety take over me? I'll just end up like before; lonely, watching as people with friends and boyfriends or girlfriends going by, making myself believe that I don't need any of these people, and just overall being miserable.

Why can't I be normal? 0 Comments - Post/view comments