Friday, November 16, 2007 . 11/16/2007
I was supposed to go to the dentist yesterday, but I didn't. I was more nervous than usual, up to the point where I actually broke out into a cold sweat and had something like a panic attack. I felt scared, anxious, nervous, hyperventilated and I couldn't stop crying. So I asked my mom if she could reschedule the appointment.. well, actually I said I didn't feel good, which was true. So she said she'd reschedule it. I should have just gotten it over with..For anyone who might be happening to read this, I'm not afraid of the dentist because of drills, or anything like that. It's the fact that I have to lay still while someone practically stares at me (or the inside of my mouth). It's stupid because I've known this dentist ever since I was about 5 years old. I hate how I'm a logical thinker up until the point I have to be one-on-one with someone. I keep telling myself that this fear is very irrational, but I can't help it.
Sometimes this fear carries over to online conversations. I'm only comfortable with chatting to a few people one-on-one, but anyone else and I start to wonder if the other person thinks I'm boring or stupid or weird. And when it comes to Horizons, I'll very rarely start a conversation unless other people are around. If other people were around and not just one other person, it would somehow relieve the pressure of me having to carry on a conversation because then someone could just pick up on it, if that makes any sense.
That's all I have to say for now I guess.
Labels: Personal
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