Friday, April 18, 2008 . 4/18/2008
My social anxiety (as I've already said a few times) is almost completely gone, but what's left is what I can only describe as a fragile shell, as emo as that sounds. Let me explain...I went to get my hair done yesterday. While I was at the salon I didn't exactly feel like crying, but when I got home I broke down. Every little noise seemed loud to me, I cried, and went to bed early.
This almost always happens when I go somewhere; either I'll break down and cry while I'm actually in public or I'll suck it up and wait until I get in the car. And my mom and aunt are supposed to go shopping tomorrow. I really want to go with them, but I have a feeling I'll get overwhelmed and cry. This especially tends to happen when other people laugh real loud, which my mom especially will probably do with company.
I've always been like this, even as a kid. I'd get overwhelmed easily and cry. I know it's not because I'm not used to being around people and noise, since I've been doing that all my life up until 10th grade when my mom agreed to take me out of regular school so I could do schoolwork at home (which is what helped my anxiety to fade).
Am I just weak, or is there something else wrong with me?
edit: durr, this sounds a lot like introversion. But I hate it, and I feel like there's something wrong with me when I break down and cry simply because of a noise that everyone else would say isn't loud, but is loud to me. Like yesterday, my dad was talking loudly, I told him and asked him to stop, and he had to ask my mom if he was talking loud. I didn't see if she shook her head or not but my dad replied to me by fucking yelling, saying that maybe he can't help it. He always does that when I ask him to stop talking so loud; he yells at me. Same thing when I ask him to turn down the volume on the TV, he'll usually just yell my name as if I'm stupid and turn it down one or two notches. It's like he couldn't care less.
And yet he wonders why I don't seem like him that much, even though I've told him several times why: because he's loud, and I can't stand it.
Labels: Personal
5 Comments -Are you planning on being like this the rest of your life?
By 
, at
3:42 PM
Uh, no. It's not exactly something you plan on. -.-
I feel really bad for you
I can't comprehend being so sensitive, I could never be happy like this and I'm not going to assume so much, but it sounds like you aren't happy like this.
Get on medication, or adapt and find really quiet things to do, you're going to extremely unsocialized as an adult and learn things the HARD way (socializing in school is ALOT easier than in the real world, no matter how it feels).
Try your best, and if you fail try again, things will get easier, evantually trying won't be necessary.
Plan on living a full life
By , at
12:38 PM
How do you know you've almost got rid of all the anxiety?
When i feel like you n want to cry/start cryin it's cause i feel i can't act normal and say what i want and that noone listens to me or can't hear me cause i talk to quitely outside etc.
By , at
4:10 PM
I am on medication, and have been for several years but thanks for showing concern. =) I'm not this sensitive every minute of the day, which is good, but I wish I didn't have to be like that at all.
Sweetedly, I don't know for certain that the anxiety's gone but whenever I've been going out, I tend not to think so much (or not at all) of what people might think of me, and I don't feel as nervous around people. I hope it'll stay this way.
<3
